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ursula_is


I'm Ursula. Vittorio's beloved, immortal and a blood-drinker. What you need to know can be found in Vittorio's biography, anything else you may want to know you may look for here.



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ursula_is
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[
09/26/05 - 10:28pm]
Here I am again, seated in an inky room with a blazing white screen trying to pour my emotions out in a stream of typed letters. What is it I am feeling, I wonder? The beginnings of jealousy sprouting and spreading her roots throughout me? Yes, that is it. Even as I detest the implications of it, I can call her by her name. I sit back, as far into the shadows as I am allowed and see it all take shape. This is what I feared. Yet, it is too much. Too much to think that he would start to slip from me so soon, too much to think that a woman so completely attached in soul to another could entice my only out from under me. I wring my hands in frustration but I do not speak a word of it to him. Maybe he will see it here. Maybe he will not. I do not know any more which I would prefer. Does he even know it, my love, that it is starting? Is he taunting her, playing a game fueled by curiosity? I can only hope. That she is bewitching, there can be no doubt. Hers is a dark lure, its danger and fascination screaming of everything that I am not. She has secrets where I offer only honesty in its crystal clear guise. If only there were a diversion. Another direction to distribute his passion to. He is so passionate about everything! With nothing else to distract him, he will throw his heart and soul into this adventure and nobody could stop him. A cold irony, that such a trait is what first enraptured me with him.

I must be paranoid to assume so much so quickly. I will mull on this, wait for things to become corroborated before I make silly decisions. This is not like me. I feel as though I have become some unfit shadow of myself.




[
09/08/05 - 11:26pm]
Not a night has passed since we were together that Vittorio's struggle has not pulled at me. I feel responsible for it. In part, if not wholly. I am lucky he does not hold it against me. I wonder at it. Then I settle for being lucky for it. He is remarkable, my lover. That he is able to continue the way he does. I look at a mortal and see in them something living, fragile and alluring. He sees so much more. Many times I have seen him entranced by any one or a number of them and I was every bit as enthralled by him as he was them. He has tried to describe it but I do not think there is anyone who can fathom the meaning in what he sees. It is as if the line between the living and ourselves has been painted with blinding clarity. If I thought I was distanced, how much more so than he? I am more resigned to the gap between our worlds than he has ever been and I see it my duty to help relieve him in some small part of his grief.

Gabrielle's invitation gave me hope. The more she elucidated the more excited I became. No, I did not trust this coven of vampires. They were exclusive and presumptuous. How could we put our faith in a coterie of immortals who thought they had exclusive control over the entire race in their grasp? From their books we gathered that they dispatched of those that came too close or disturbed their lifestyle. Suffice it to say we had no need such conflict and were content to remain out of the way so long as they did not threaten us. Vittorio was restless and that prompted our move across to the Americas. If he wanted it, I would not deny him. When this one came to us without hostility, I had to reconsider. The name was known to me. If anything I was flattered. From all accounts, the savage beauty was not the social type. I do not know why she came to us. Was it sympathy for our cause or simply a gesture of kindness on her part? I have not asked her. I do not really need to know. I could see no immediate danger in it. While Vittorio was prone to suspicion, I urged him to it. Could this expiate part of what he endured? There is another reason for it as well. For all that I love him, I have been a jealous guardian of what we have. It is a lonely eternity to pass in the company of only one. While the majority of my life has been at his side, I have known more. I took from him a chance to see the others. My greatest fear is losing him. What if upon meeting another the impulse to stay beside me dissipates? He could find that it was merely loneliness and a delicate hold on a burst of chemistry that has long since faded. It is time I risked something for him.




[
09/07/05 - 3:49pm]
One night, not too long ago I came across something written by a mortal who had read Vittorio's words the Romeo and Juliet of the vampires. Now that, I immediately deemed silly. On reflection, perhaps not. It is true that we came from two conflicting worlds. My courtly life was like nothing he had even imagined then and a nightmare to him later. I was young when they took me. It could be that the horror should have lingered longer and I should have bathed in the revulsion that he was so set to fight. I did not. It was explicitly decreed to me that my purpose in life until that point was to become what they had needed. That I only existed so that they could harvest me in like some grotesque demon farmers of souls. That I was to be a bride was alarming, but once done, how easy to slide easily into the life of comfort it provided me. I never then paused to wonder why he simply didn't select a bride from the ranks they already had. If nothing else, they had instilled into me the idea that I was not common. The fact that I had passed an entire class system did not give me reason to think on it. I was simply more than they were. It is haughty and condescending and god only knows what else. I can see that now. In some twisted way, I do see myself as better than they were. If only because they wanted it so badly. They were minions scrambling amongst one another to perform favors and enabling the court to continue in comfort. If they had fought I do not think I would have resisted, unless it was to preserve my own life. We were also children, Vittorio and I. Oh yes, I do admit that I was many years his elder when I met him but in thought and actions I had never moved far beyond a teenager's mentality. I was brash and spoiled in the way that the princesses of fairytales are. Even buried under layers and layers that only Vittorio would see through I had the same innocence. He was emotional, raw and every bit as compulsive as me. We did die, he and I. Not together as the result of some misunderstanding. Rather for me. He gave me hope, he gave me trust that I had not experienced before. More significantly he risked his soul to save something in me that I did not even know existed.




[
09/06/05 - 11:56pm]
Testing...



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